Day 2039. Another new year.

Since my last post I have passed the 2000 days away from home benchmark! June 2006 is starting to feel like a long time ago now. I have been working as a teacher in Thailand for almost 3 years. Another stint in Taiwan takes me to almost 4 years teaching experience in Asia. Working for almost 4 years out of the last 6 is not good.

With this in mind I have been investigating early retirement options. It is possible to retire before 40 if you have no family and you can severely limit your monthly outgoings. If you can spend <4% of your portfolio annually, you've cracked it. I'm not far off which means all my scrimping and saving should pay off in the near future. Check out www.earlyretirementextreme.com for more details. Obviously living in cheaper developing countries makes this more viable. I have no idea how I would survive in the UK anymore?? Some tourist recently informed me that ciggies are £6.50 a pack?? I pay £0.60 here - 1/10th!

Xmas and new year 2006 was in Singapore. 2007 I was in the Phillipines. 2008 I was in Sungai Golok on the Thai/Malay border. 2009 I was in Trang. 2010 and 2011 Phuket. I actually stayed in for the bells this year as I went to watch LFC v NUFC at 0300 on 31st Dec. The match finished at 0500 and I went to a disco until 0600. I then drank down Soi sipet until about midday on new year's eve. I then went home and passed out until 2300. I woke feeling dreadful with only 1hr to go until the bells. I turned over and went back to sleep since I had to be at Michael's bar for free cheese and salami on new year's day.

Ice (my girlfriend) and I finished after only 4 months together. She stole 3000bt (£60) from my wallet while I was asleep. I can't handle having no waijai (trust) in a relationship so I called it to an end just before xmas. It must be remembered that Thai's have very differing values to us chalkies!

My last day at HeadStart school was on Friday 16th December 2011. I had a 2 week holiday where I tried (and failed) to not consume too much booze. I had the rear brakes on the bike replaced while I got my teeth cleaned.

I started my new job teaching GCSE physics at Kajonkiet School on 4th Jan. This job is ace compared to my last place. I have taken a 10k salary reduction (60k to 50k/month) but I now teach 7.5hrs/week instead of 20hrs. I have no homeroom to administer and I am going home feeling fresh. I am effectively working part-time presently for full-time salary. I wish I'd jumped ship earlier! I have signed a 3 month contract until the end of March, then it's decision time again!! I am seriously contemplating moving upcountry even if I have to work for the basic 30k/month salary again. I am even thinking of selling my bike and going to Cambodia or even travelling again for a year.....decisions decisions.

Here's some random recent pics:

Get your feet massaged by hundreds of little sucking fish. You literally sit on the bench with your feet dangling in the tank and the fish suck the dead skin off!

One thing I miss about the UK is the awesome libraries. I still love to browse in book shops but English books are in limited supply and tend to be expensive. I can't imagine they've sold many copies of this particular book?? I generally participate in a free book swap in my mate's bar.

I spotted this sign in Rawai as I am thinking of renting a CBR250cc for a day before I decide to buy one or not. To rent my bike would set you back 400bt/day! I've had my bike 2yrs and 3mnths, if I'd have rented it daily it would have cost me 831 x 400 = 330,000bt. Luckily I bought it outright for 57,000bt and still have the option of selling it for at least 40,000bt.

I spotted this blatantly fake kid's Toon top in a market. Good value at £3.60?

Then on one of my trips I spotted this sign. I had no idea Sunderland was near here!

Banana beach - I had to check this out.

My last day with the year9 kids. I will miss the little sods dearly but I won't miss the workload. I honed their mathematical skills for 1yr and 3 months. I taught yr11 the whole GCSE curriculum and it's looking like 75% of them passed which gives me a great sense of achievement and pride in those kids!! Teaching is hard work (although I think it needn't be) but it can be highly rewarding at times.

Here's a shot of Banana beach.

Another Banana beach pic.

Welocome to Hi-Season in Phuket. We receive millions of tourists every year but December/January is the pinnacle. This is Surin beach. I have stood on this beach alone at sunset before. Now you can't even see any sand because of all the umbrellas - mental. The influx of Russian tourists has been staggering over the last 2 years. Many signs in the full-on tourist areas are in Russian now!

This is my mate Polish-American Nick who runs a bar down in Chalong. He used to fly Blackhawk helicopters for the US military! To his right is Aussie Dave who teaches Hotel staff how to speak slurred incomprehensible Aussie.........G'day copper????? Fair Dincome????

A view down to Banana beach from the road.

Lingo:
Pom bur a leaw yoo tee Phuket - I am bored of Phuket
Yoo teenee song pee laew - I have lived here for 2 years now
Pom yak yoo tee muang thai neau - I wanna live in the north of this country
dewaa, ngern tam ngan noi gwaa - but the salaries are smaller outside Phuket
mewaa kong tuuk gwaa - although things are cheaper elsewhere

Day 1993. Another birthday and shitty balls

Update

• 1993 days or
  
• 5 years, 5 months, 14 days or
  
• 172,195,200 seconds or
  
• 2,869,920 minutes or
• 47,832 hours.

That's how long ago I left home. I was 32. Now I'm 38. I had my 33rd birthday in Chengdu, Sichuan province, China. I had my 34th in Tainan City, Taiwan. I had my 35th in Pattaya, Thailand. I had my 36th in Trang, Thailand. I had my 37th in Phuket, Thailand and my 38th also in Phuket Thailand. I have been living in Thailand for almost three years. I must be due a change!

I just got news that my brother Mick is coming over on the 14th January for three weeks so that should be good.

Shitty balls

Here are some of our students voluntarily making EM balls. These balls are made from organisms rolled in moist balls of cow poo. The balls are then sent to Bangkok where they can be dropped into the flood water to help reduce the spread of nasty diseases. As you can see below, Korean Fred is enjoying himself.

Bike trip

I quit drinking and smoking on 31st October 2011. I needed to do other things to fill in my weekends, so I started going on huge bike trips. This is the walkway to the viewpoint on the recently completed Sarasin Bridge linking Phuket to the mainland.

The steps up to the viewpoint.

The newly completed dual carriageway bridge looking back towards Phuket.

Not all beaches in Phuket are like Patong or Nai Harn. This is the deserted Mai Khao near the bridge.

This was the entrance to the EM Ball place. They were hoping that volunteers would make 20,000. Our kids managed about 200 before the smell had us running.

Islamic food from the North of Phuket Island. You don't see many foreigners in these parts.

Near the restaurant I found a rickety track leading up a mountain with an Air Force comms centre at the top. There was radar:

Satellite and microwave links:

and a shrine for Bhudda gazing over an incredible vista:

After the mountain I found this spooky green lagoon in the jungle:

And then I saw a rare baffalo. These are a common sight in most of Thailand but not so common in Phuket. Tourism, fishing and rubber are the games here - not farming, therefore, not a lot of rice or buffalo in these parts.
I finally managed to 'pimp up my bike' by adding some illuminous blue lights to the number plate. I now look like a mobile disco at night times like many of the local teenagers. These lights do serve a higher purpose and that is to help you be seen by the other lunatic drivers on this island.

We had Loy Kratong again. Here's Arina sporting some traditional Thai attire:

Here's everyone at the school dancing. I refrained as I had ran out of Loys to eat and Kratongs to wear.

A view towards Phuket airport from the rickety mountain road.

On another day I rode up to Phang Nga province and ended up going 1km into 'Elephant's stomach' cave. Here is my guide for the adventure.

We had to negotiate monkeys swinging on the vines at the entrance.

We started off in a little kayak.

Things rapidly became pitch black. There interior of the cave was incredible with many fascinating and peculiar rock formations. A colony of massive bats were defying gravity by hanging upside down from a smooth ceiling. You could only see them as your headlamp swept passed. We then transferred to a raft. We then had to wade through an underground stream until we reached the furthest you can get. It was very eerie in the silent darkness. Later, as I emerged from the dark, the outside noise and light were overwhelming!

This is the elephant statue outside. The cave gets its name from the mountain which is said to resemble an elephant although I couldn't quite see how.

Here's 20yo Nat who works at my friends bar in Kata. Kinda cute.

19th November 2011. Manchester Steve who runs my local O'Malley's set up a party for my birthday. It was also Brum Paddy's 42nd birthday on the same day so it was a double celebration. Steve laid on free bangers and mash and the place was rammed. It was a great night. Needless to say I fell off the wagon and got shitfaced but, worse is that I smoked loadsa ciggies after 3 weeks of abstinence. Thankfully I haven't had anymore so far this week. Another downer was the Toon's first defeat away to Man Citeh. I got over this by drinking until sunrise with Chloe the barmaid.

Here's Paddy and I being retarded.

Steve actually burnt my 'RedBull' vest and gave me a trendy shirt to wear instead. Here I am the next day with Ice in Michael's bar after non-stop booze from 1900 Sat - 2300 Sun. 28hrs of booze with no sleep is quite a feat for a 38yo bloke!

I include this pic to show you what a rip-off Patong is. Patong is the whore-filled Blackpool of Phuket. I rarely venture here as it's full of whores, touts, conmen, mafia-linked taxi dudes, thieving jet-ski swindlers and annoying drunken tourists. The worst of Thai and Western culture seems to manifest itself here. Mango shakes can be had for 40-60bt elsewhere on the island. 120bt is £2.40. That is not cheap for a glass of fruit juice that is locally abundant.

I have only three more weeks left at Headstart Intl School before a two week Xmas break. I then start work at the nearby Kajonkiet School on far fewer hours and a slightly reduced salary. However, I am hoping the new job will be far less stressful.

Lingo:
Pahom - blanket
Morn - pillow
Tee norn - bed
Pa man - curtain

Day 1965. Crashes, Austrians and life changes.

30/10/11 Five years and five months.

I will be 38 next month and I have been thinking about a change for some time now. I have been in Phuket since April 2010 or about one and a half years. Armin my Austrian travel buddy has just visited Phuket where he had to listen to me complaining about my job. I have quite enjoyed teaching maths at HeadStart school but the workload has been unbearable at times.

So last week I quit and planned a one year trip around Asia with the Austrian guru. However, on Monday this week I was talking to an American lady called Chena who works at Kajonkiet School in Phuket. They need a maths and physics teacher for GCSE and A levels. I went along to the school and was offered the job starting in January. I have one week to think about the offer before committing. Bizzarely, my superior would be an English lady called Rowena who used to live across the street from me in Trang - small world.

The salary is less than what I currently earn but the hourly rate is double if you pro-rata it. I am more concerned with quality of life than money. At my last place I barely had time to spend it. I am excited about the prospect of getting to grips with A level maths and physics after teaching GCSE/KS3 for the last year. Only seven weeks to go before I finish HeadStart!

Footy

The best players on Phuket Island:

I can't remember if my top is Grimsby, Notts County, St Mirren or Juventus? This is the HeadStart teacher's team.

Wind instruments

I was sitting in my mate's bar in Kata with two French lads when the awful shrill of bagpipes accosted our senses. There was a bloke marching up and down the bar-lined street doing his utmost to attenuate the bars' takings for the night.

Bike

I've done it again. I came off near the blood-donor centre in Phuket Town. I was covered in mud, cuts and bruises at about 0600 when an ambulance unbelievably came past. It stopped, bandaged me up and took me home for free! The next day Paddy gave me a lift to recover the wreck, however, I couldn't remember exactly where the accident occurred! After 30 mins we found it. I then had to push it 3km to a garage because the clutch handle had snapped off. Nightmare - but then you shouldn't go to Soi Sip Et.

Spank bar

This is Nuy's mate in Spank bar in Chalong. I haven't been there for a while. It's such a laugh! I slept there on the floor a few weeks back.

Veg

The Phuket vegetarian festival has been and gone. Phuketians eat only veg for 10 days and stick swords through their face cheeks for reasons that fail me. Like Songkran I'm glad it's over. Worse of all was that my little steak stall closed for the duration. Below is a shot of the chaotic market near where I live:

National Anthem

Our school has started doing the Thai national anthem every Friday morning. They supplement this song with another anthem from a country of one of the many nationalities we have here. Last week it was Russian and this week it was the shortest ever 'God save the Queen'.

Talking of anthems, I run a quiz on a Friday and one little lass didn't recognise her own country's anthem. Having said that another girl correctly guessed the Pakistani national anthem. Kids never fail to both shock and amaze!

Boozing

I've manged to put some boozy weekend shifts in recently. In Chalong they've invented a new noun, verb and adjective. They call me 'The Hepple'. If you go out drinking you are 'Heppling'. If you intend to get drunk you say 'I'm going to get Heppled'. It's such a laugh down Soi Shit in Chalong.

This crazy Suisse lad below stayed in O'Malley's guest house for a while. He had loads of vegetarian paraphernalia such as hats and fans. He wrote me a love letter on the day he left explaining how I have a nice arse - perhaps he was gay and my gaydar had failed me?

Ice Ice baby too cool

This is 22 yo Ice from Talang district on Phuket Island. She studies at Ratchapat university and boosts her funds by cleaning part-time at McDonald's. For some inexplicable reason she has taken a shine to me and we have been seeing each other for two months. She's a canny lass but can't speak English so we rely on my crap Thai to get by.

MMmmmmmm.

Before innovative Ice, I met astute Anne, 19, from Surat Thani. Whereas Ice studies at Uni, Anne works in bar. Anne explained, meticulously, the disadvantages of a Keynesian economic approach to the current possibility of a global financial collapse. I continued to down numerous beers while becoming increasingly captivated. It was her truly inspired reasoning that led me to consider the feasibility of a romantic approach. When I asked 'How much'? She quoted an astronomically high price. She went on to explain that since the inflationary effects of quantitative easing were beginning to bite she had no choice but to raise the bar. Eventually she acquiesced and we eased, quantitatively into each other.

Toon

Can someone please explain how the Toon are unbeaten after 9 EPL games?

Lingo

fen - girlfriend
gick - less than a gf but more than a friend
mia/panaya - wife
mia noi - mistress (literally: small wife)
pooying kai borigan - A lass who'll sell owt.
tilak - sweetheart
joop joop - kiss
gawt - cuddle
pee sue - butterfly, a man who goes with many women
deng ngan - marry
lert gan - split up

Day 1904. Summer holiday.

One of the perks of being a teacher is the holidays. I've just had 6 weeks off which is the longest holiday I've ever had in any employment. For the first four weeks I stayed in Phuket and the final two weeks involved a motorbike trip around the south of Thailand. I have been back at school for one week where I have met the new staff as our embryonic school continues to expand and evolve. I should receive my PGCE certificate from Nottingham University next week.

Mark Goodman from Manchester. He teaches History and Geography next door to me. Like any Man U fan he is significantly misguided regarding the intracacies of the beautiful game. I like to remind him of how the real United destroyed the red half of Manchester 5 - 0 in 1997.

This is Guy the Mackem who owns and runs Sh'Bang bar in Chalong. He was not happy when NUFC beat SAFC at the Stadium of Light last week!

However, Geordie Steve from North Shields was ecstatic. He runs the Lost Penguin bar next door. We were the sole NUFC representatives for the game. I even wore my Toon top which turned out to be an inspired decision.

I have been thinking about buying one of these. A Honda CBR 250. 110,000bt. According to a mate these things go like 'shit off a stick'. I might wait until I can pick up a second hand one.

One weekend in June, Shan and I went for a motorbike trip to Khao Sok. This is a mountainous region in western Surat Thani province. The windy roads are excellent and the scenery is spectacular.

Here we are at the entrance to the national Park.

A big river flowing nearby the massive dam here.

One part of the dam. There's a big hydro-electric power station near here.

It looks a bit like a inland sea. Parts of this huge resevoir are said to look like Guilin in China. Massive lime stone karst structures break impressively out of the water.

This is Shan's bamboo hut for the night. We had one each for 200bt.

Quite a nice view from the balconey. There are jungle clad mountains everywhere. The tropical rainforest creates a deafening chorus during the night.

At the end of the 2011 academic year, the kids had a party at here. A trendy location with discos, trampolines, games room and of course this swimming pool. It was a good laugh. Obviously there was no drink available and the kids had the teachers dancing. It's a very strange feeling to be dancing sober!

This is Steve (another Manc) and Callum. Callum hails from Galasheils and travels the world attending seminars and selling IT stuff. He has a degree in physics and was hugely entertaining crack down at O'Malley's one night.

This is little Gemma of year 8 demonstrating how much marking I had to do at the end of term. I think you'll agree that it's a canny pile of work. Note the small red M&M Albert Einstein on the shelf behind.

This is where I stayed at Had Lamai on Koh Samui. It was right on the beach and near the centre od Lamai's night life. It was a nice change from Phuket. I woke up one Wednesday and simply jumpeed on the bike and escaped Phuket. I stayed Ao Nang, Krabi for one night. Trang for four nights. Rachapat University in Nakkon Si Tammarat with Stefan for one night and two nights in Samui. Coming back from Samui was a nightmare because of the rain as I crossed the mountains. I got drenched. I had to keep stopping in small bus shelters to wait for the worst of the storms to pass. I left with no map and no plan - the way one should travel in my opinion. Flexibility is crucial.

Lamai beach, Samui from my restaurant chair.

This is Geoff's bar in Chaweng. I met Geoff two years ago when I stayed in one of his guest rooms for three nights. I told him about an Aussie in the Philippines who runs this joker jackpot game and was surprised to see he has started doing it himself. Geoff is Monkey's mate.

I drove across the central road of Samui island. Samui got hit badly by rains and floods earlier this year. Look at what happened to the roads here!

Here I am leaving Samui. It costs 150bt for me and 100bt for my bike but I wasn't at the mercy of the rip-off taxis.

On the way home, as I was crossing Sarasin bridge in the dark, I noticed my bike passing the 30,000km mark. The bike is over 6 years old and I've had it two years during which time I've added 27,000km to the machine.

This is a Thai tradition called Galaa maprow. You have to try and walk on coconut shells. It is harder than it looks.

What else has happened in the last couple of months? I've had my petrol stolen from my bike again. Someone nicked my denim jacket. I lived with a lass called 'Beer' for two weeks at the start of my holiday but that didn't work out - she was 34 from Sukhothai. I started dating a 32yo Hi-So chick from Bangkok but that didn't work out either (she has met Prince William!). I am currently hanging with a lass who works at McDonald's. Her name is Ice and she is 22. We'll see how that goes.

I stubbed a tab out on my ankle in Chalong one drunken night. I passed out in Guy's bar one night in mid-conversation. I've read 12 books. I have not been online for seven weeks which has been liberating. I went out last week and purchased scales, thermometers, compasses and various other mathematical teaching aids.

The best part of my holiday was seeing all my old mates in Trang - particularly Matt the Slayer who likes to kick rocks! I really miss those lads. I had an excellent evening with Tom where we covered such varied topics as religion, history and living in Thailand. There's a few new lads there who are a bit younger and have changed the dynamic slightly but it's still pretty much same same before.

In another three months I'll have been away 2000 days or 5.5 years and I'll be 38! I can feel the BIG 40 looming in the not too distant future! Perhaps I should not delay in buying the new bike as it looks like a perfect 'mid-life crisis' toy!

Lingo:

bogadit - normally

soot thai - last

kwang - across

Philosophy:

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.