The Thai language in the title is: hen chang kee, kee dam chang.
Literally translated it means: Don't try to shit as much as an elephant.
An equivalent English idiom would be: Don't try to keep up with the Jones.
I think Thai and Chinese proverbs are great. Many Thai proverbs are based on elephants, tigers, crocodiles and buffalo - everyday things here in tropical Thailand. This one above is my favourite!
Today, a student asked to go to the toilet. I quoted this proverb to them in Thai and the whole class was laughing. The laughing soon receded as I moved on to graphing sine wave functions with phase shifts in measured radians!
Update
Four years ago, I was on a 48hr ferry from Shanghai, China to Osaka, Japan. This trip across the East China Sea was the culmination of my ambition to travel from England to Japan without flying. Japan was fascinating - particularly Hiroshima.
Three years ago I was drinking heavily in touristy Kuta on the Indonesian jewel of Bali. I remember hanging out with a lad who had a tattoo of a cigarette behind his ear! I watched the surfers doing their thing while smoking the smelliest cigarettes in the World. Indo tabs reek of perfume man!
Two years ago I was in Penang watching the Olympics and buying cell phones that could connect to the net via WIFI! I climbed the train tracks up Penang Hill with Norwegian Geir and Filipina Rose. I was warming up after spending two weeks in the cool, lofty Cameron Highlands of northern peninsular Malaysia.
Last year I took Russel to buy his new million baht car in Trang. I then headed to Surat Thani for the Southern English Program Competition. I remember staying in an amazing hotel that had a bath!
Toon
NUFC 6 - 0 Villa? What is going on? And who is this Andy Carroll character? Wow?
Massage
This is Lek and her shy daughter. Lek often gives me an oil massage on Sundays. The daughter helped me buy bedding at Sapan Hin market for my new room.
Do you fancy a coffee at the Orgy Cafe? There are so many silly names out here in Asia that I don't even register them anymore. You can have your haircut at the Piss salon. Or how about a visit to the Tittyporn law firm? There really are so many crazy names out here. China is even worse.
MotorbikeI've learned some interesting things this week regarding motorbike paperwork. I've been driving for 2 months with no tax and 11 months without 3rd party insurance (both of which are legal). I also learned that my bike was 5 years old on the 7th June. So my bike was first used on 7th June 2005! I thought it was only 3 years old?????
I headed to the Thai transport office in order to sort out this mess. It took me ages to find the office since no signage is in English. Luckily I can read Thai so I eventually found it. A helpful lady explained that in order to renew my tax I need to have a bike inspection to check safety and emissions etc. You have to do this once your bike is older than five years. This is the equivalent of an MOT in the UK. The test centre was 1km from the transport office. The test takes about 5 mins and costs 60baht (1.20gbp). Here is the guy below carrying out the test.
Now armed with my test certificate, I headed back to the transport office. I was then informed I need a Por Ror Bor. This is the insurance you need along with the inspection certificate in order to get your new tax sticker. These are the Por Ror Bor ladies below. This cost 640baht (13gbp) for one year.
Now armed with my Inspecshan paper and my Por Ror Bor paper, I am ready to proceed to the tax counter. Check out the flooding in the car park below! This is normal during monsoon season.
Just outside the transport office is a beautiful banana fan tree. I love to see these - highly symmetrical.
Here is the new tax sticker. It cost 100baht (2gbp). Now I have a road worthy motorbike, insurance and tax. All for 800baht (16gbp). In Thailand the year is 2553. That is because dates begin from when Buddha died, 543 years before Jesus was born! So my tax will expire in Mitunayon 2554 (or June 2011).
OyOi joined me in Phuket Town for some Moo Ga Taa last week. This is the wonderful eat-all-you-can buffet - similar to shaboo shaboo in Taiwan.We were absolutely stuffed. We had to sit at the table and wait for half an hour for the pain to subside. This is Oy enjoying yet another shrimp!
English CampThe school is determined to not allow the kids a full week of tuition this term. Last week we missed Thursday and Friday since we had to go to an English Camp. This was based in a posh hotel at Karon Beach on the West coast of Phuket.
Here's the staff and students at the briefing.
This is little 'Art' in M2. He is possibly my favourite student. His English is awesome and his inquisitiveness is infectious. He can also type faster than anyone I've ever seen! I think this kid is going places.
Here's a replica of the serene faces of Angkor Thom in Cambodia. However, here you can take a beer at the bar underneath.
Look how nice the hotel grounds are. You can see the room rates etc on their website here.
This is Canadian Thomas, Nicky and myself enjoying the fact we are being paid to be here when it is costing everyone else a fortune!
We even got to sit at a VIP table!
This is the grand entrance.
And there's my bike right outside! Today some daft female teacher drove her car into my bike in the school car park thus smashing the left wing mirror and moving the clutch to an unergonomic position. I've sorted it out now but these things are still a pain in the arse.
There was fancy art all over this hotel.
Look at this incredible ship carved from ivory! I wonder how much it costs?
This is little Thomas. His is half Thai half Farang. He ate eight massive donuts during one break. Unfortunately this profile doesn't show you his awesome kite.
This is the view from the balcony. I had to share the room with American Brian. This lad wears a bow tie to school! It's been a while since I've seen someone wearing one of those!
At dusk on the first night I sneaked out to watch a Karon beach sunset. Pretty nice.
English camp = crazy games and fun. Here, the kids have to burst their friend's balloons (tied to their ankles) while protecting their own.
Another sneak out. This time to walk around Nai Harn lake with Oi and Bor. Oi looks hot to me!
Aaaahhh. Dinner time at the VIP table. My five fingers represent the 5 stars of the hotel! The food was great here - and all paid for too!
The final skits. Look at this young lad doing a brilliant Michael Jackson. His moonwalk was class.
Reluctantly, I left the Hotel at 1100 Saturday morning and headed to Rawai to eat some Som Tam with Oi and Bor in an Issan roadside shack. There are no words in the English language to describe how spicy this shit is.When Oi was a baby, her Mother used to suck the spiciness from the shreds of papaya. She would then feed the de-spiced morsels to Oi. This is exactly what Oi had to do for me. Here she is doing it. The pink plate contains the evil concoction of ten-chilli-som-tam.
After this we went for a crazy drinking binge night out resulting in a supreme hangover yesterday.Work
Today I was back at school. After reviewing 'weather' with my youngest students in an English class I was delighted to see this young lady in the office. She is a saleswoman selling electronic body massage devices. She offered a trial run and I accepted - only to remain in her presence a little longer. The device felt great. However, at 4000 baht I told her to wait until next month.
My three month Non-B immigrant visa expires tomorrow. We are still waiting for paperwork from Bangkok so it is touch and go whether I'll be illegal or not by Wednesday!Lingo
Mokkarakom = January
Gumpapan = February
Meenakom = March
Maesayon = April
Keep living the dream guys!
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